I read a post some time ago that said, God sends exes back in our lives to see if we are still stupid! Ha
Let me just be honest, my life is a billboard for exes coming back into your life. I honestly can not think of one ex that does not hit me with the, "Hey big head." or the "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday baby girl" after not speaking all year. LOL
What's even more hilarious, they don't even have to be single to commit this crime.
The other day after I got off the phone with an ex that went badly(as it always does), I asked myself why do I keep answering the phone? Why are they not blocked? Why am I ignoring the fact that every time we speak, it ends in mayhem? Why do I throw him away and then go back to the garbage and dig him out? Why, just why? Why do I throw the boomerang and when it returns, actually try to catch it? Why do I do this to myself? Yeah to myself! Because realistically a lot of my issues in relationships are caused by 2 things; not knowing when to let go and not knowing when to say no. I have a habit of allowing people multiple chances to hurt me, as if the first time is not enough, shoot as if the second time isn't. Chances are not for everyone!
I came up with 3 things.
1. I sometimes get lonely and in my loneliness I am okay with occupying my time with someone I know there isn't a future with. No matter how much we are incompatible, I still don't mind the entertainment of companionship because for a moment I do not want to be by myself. No matter how toxic and ridiculous it is, it satisfies my craving for a partner in that brief period. Loneliness is a hell of a symptom and exes are one hell of a drug.
2. I am comfortable with my past because I know it, I've experienced it. I don't mind an ex because they are predictable, I know what to do to keep them around, I know what to do to get rid of them. I am not fearful of whether it will work out or not, I know it won't. It's like watching your favorite tragic movie over and over again, yeah the main character dies at the end but you still love it. You are prepared for the tragedy. What's crazy though is there are many times that even though I know the ending, it still hurts and ruins me the way it ends. It's almost like there are times that I am hopeful that my ex has changed and it will actually work. CRAY CRAY!! Women always have so much hope in the wrong man. That's a whole other topic. Let's just move on.
3. I am a victim of the pressure of family and friends to be in a relationship. I am 36 years old, single with no kids. There is no pressure like this pressure, you would think I was running a Fortune 500 company. The constant conversations of when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids, don't you want to be with someone, don't you want kids, you don't want to be by yourself, don't you want someone to take care of you?
Those conversations are annoying and put me in a place where I'm like, let me get back with Bob so they can leave me alone. I can't stand Bob, but he will do just fine.The funny thing is, I get back with an ex and the questions don't stop, they actually get worse! LOL
Realizing these things and sharing them, I promise to put forth the effort to stop the cycle. How long can I be in the constant story line of hoping for the best, knowing the worst is yet to come? Will I be perfect, nah? But I definitely will dodge a few more boomerangs than catch them.
I decided instead of throwing the boomerang again, to just break that shit.
#dearboomerang you gotta be quicker than that