Some time ago I went to dinner with my god sister and a girlfriend to a restaurant in town. In the middle of our dinner a guy approaches our table and sparks conversation. I can't remember what he said but I do remember I rolled my eyes and got right into my phone. LOL. I wasn't out for the entertainment, I wanted to catch up with my girls and then catch some sleep at home. But whatever. He takes a seat and the conversation turns into one of the girls asking him what type of women was he into. He gave some generic answer like, "I like all women." Then he proceeds to say that he just doesn't have time to deal with "nigga women" though.
Now I immediately lifted my head from my phone and asked the brother to repeat himself. The place was a little loud so I needed to make sure I heard what I heard. He repeated, "I don't deal with 'nigga women'." I was still shocked and even more confused. I've never heard that term before so I needed an explanation, we all needed an explanation. He explained "nigga women" as women with an attitude giving all the neck rolls and then I went deaf. Seriously my ears would not allow me to hear anymore because I immediately thought to myself, oh you mean black women. Court almost left the restaurant. My god sister took the time to ask him if he was speaking about just black women or all women in general? That boy saw he was about to be attacked and started back pedaling, "Ummmmmmm babdaha bsdadabadba bdababdbd." He wasn't even forming words. He eventually said, "Yeah all women can be 'nigga women'."
All three of us were on different parts of the spectrum when it comes to responses to this ridiculousness. Court was ready to attack and kill, Eb was more diplomatic trying to understand, and me, I just didn't care. Let me explain, Court is very controversial when it comes to opinions, she has no time for ignorance and nonsense. She does not play when it comes to the views of black women. The way they are devalued, underappreciated, abused, ignored and ridiculed is something Court takes extremely serious. Eb on the other hand is more political, she loves a debate no matter how off the wall someone's opinion is. She separates her personal views and is able to dig deep with the other person to understand their perspective even though she may not agree. Me, I could not care less. LOL That's just my personality. When people say something stupid I seriously go deaf because I just do not have the time & energy. Plus I see beyond the bullshit. He knew damn well he did not refer to a white woman as a "nigga woman". He was specifically talking about us, black women. We all know how black women are categorized as always having an attitude, angry and giving much push back. Where other women from other cultures are viewed as submissive, easy going & pleasant. So don't play me that your comment was not feeding into that stereotype. And the nerve to be sitting at the table with 3 black women, whether we fit the stereotype or not, and feel comfortable enough to say it. And even more nerve to be a black man raised by a black woman and think it's okay to address black women like that.
He could have simply said I like all women but I don't have the patience to deal with the drama. Drama is a universal word that doesn't specifically target a group of people. Broaden your vocabulary. Honestly, he could've just skipped the whole visit altogether. We could have avoided his awkward presence and enjoyed the rest of our evening. I deal with enough on a daily basis trying to justify and defend my position as a woman, let alone a black woman. Let me eat my penne alla vodka in peace.
So to the gentleman who thought it made sense to make that comment, I hope you learned a lesson when you sat with us. I hope you learned that no matter what you thought you meant, that term is unacceptable on all levels with all people. Choose your words wisely before the next woman lives up to the "nigga woman" you are speaking about and bops you upside your head.
#DearMen Value us all.