Online Dating?
Can we just have a moment of silence for all the men I've met online dating......
Chile! Let me first say, if you met your significant other online GOD BLESS YOU! This post is not for you. This is for the women who are actually on dating sites sifting through the rubbage. Yes honey the RUBBAGE.
Part of me wants to be an online dating consultant for men. Help them pick the perfect profile picture and the acceptable other pictures to include (like don't include pics with other women you idiot). Also, give them a list of DON'Ts when it comes to messages. Please see below.
Hey...
Hi...
Hello..
Hey how are you?
You look sexy
Hey, are you single
I'm just saying these messages get no responses. And I understand how nerve racking it can be to come up with that first line to say. But you know what would really help, READING THE GIRL'S DAMN PROFILE!!!!! If you read her profile you would be able to come up with something witty to say. You can say something about where she is from, her profession, her about me section where she actually shared a few details.
I mean HELP ME, HELP YOU!
This rant is brought to you by another confusing encounter I had with an online dude.
Where do I begin? We had an incredible conversation through the app. I mean brother was writing paragraph responses. He was super cultured, lived overseas and can speak another language, super sweet, asked great questions, was not intimidated by things I spoke about. It was great.
So we exchanged numbers. The first and only phone conversation we had was SUPER WEIRD. Like I wanted to mysteriously lose connection weird. Like oh my phone died weird. It was almost like the guy who was sending the messages through the app didn't exist.
Will the real online dude please stand up? Please?
I kinda blew it off to the first conversation jitters because we all have them. You know the anxiety you have in your stomach because you hope not to say anything stupid. And if you do say something stupid, you hope they didn't hear you or that they get it and laugh. Yeah those.
Anyway, he was just super weird on the phone. I almost thought I was getting pranked. He kept saying, "Damn I love your voice, keep talking." Ummm I am talking, because we are on the phone having a damn conversation. He also said my name weird, but it's so hard for me to explain so just think of Spongebob and Patrick both saying your name at the same time. Yup that's it..
But anyway let me get to the ultimate I give up on life incident.
The next day we were texting back and forth, just casual conversation. Please check how CASUAL this convo was.
COMMON CONVERSATION!!!!!!!!!
Then all of a sudden he sends me a PENIS PIC!!!!!
Oh yeah you heard me, a penis pic. I slid out of my work chair. I couldn't believe what just happened. And of course the first thing that crosses my mind, boy you working with something. (LOL) But then I got myself together and said WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON??????? When did the conversation go left? Did I miss something? When did nudity make it's way into the text? My eyes! My damn eyes! I definitely did not respond and immediately blocked him from all avenues. But not before I screenshot the convo and sent it to the group chats for some laughs and debate!
You can assume that I never spoke to him again, even after he text me from another phone to apologize. Apology not accepted buddy.
Dating is hard and every time I have one of these encounters I am reminded of how hard it is out here in these mean streets of singleness. But as we all learn to do, we move on and hope that this terrible experience doesn't jade us for the next one but prepares us. Maybe next time I will tell the dude first, I'm not into you sending me your private parts in conversation. Thanks.
#dearonlinedating I give up..... for now.
Share your online dating experiences, I could use the support! LOL