I recently got into an accident. I was flying down the highway and pretty much went over a speed bump of ice so high that it scraped and lifted my car in the air. Seriously, THE AIR. I flew a couple feet all while my car cut off, landed and then rolled to the side of the road. I'm okay but damn the impact had me thinking I was hit from all sides. I was still able to start my car and get it home though, because God is good. But the next day I had to take my car to the shop because I wanted to check if anything was cracked or damaged. When I left my car with the mechanic, I still had to make my way to work so I borrowed my mom's car.
I got into my mom's car the next morning and let Betsy (the name of her car) warm up for 10-15 minutes, then I took another 5 minutes to adjust my mirrors and my seat. I pulled out of my driveway very carefully making sure there were no oncoming cars. When I finally made it to the major highway, I cruised my way to work going a whopping 40mph. As I was driving I laughed in my head because trucks were passing me, that is how slow I was going. I immediately had a reflective moment as I always do in the car. I said to myself, in my own car I would be flying (80mph), being reckless going to work. When I hop in my car in the morning, even when it's negative degrees, I turn her on and get on my way. I dash out my driveway and zoom on the highway, bobbing and weaving traffic like I have nothing to live for. However, here I am in my mom's car, staying in the right lane on Highway 280. My Honda is mine, it belongs to me, why don't I take better care of it? Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Why do we manage other people's belongings better than our own. Honestly, why do we treat others better than we treat ourselves?
That honest moment made me realize how much I always put myself last. We always value others before we value ourselves. But the truth is, how can we consider others when we haven't considered ourselves? We have to remember that the better we are, the better we are to people. I think back to whenever I fly and they say, please in case of emergency, put your oxygen mask on yourself first before you try to help someone else. They say that because they know the importance of you being well for others directly correlates with you saving yourself first. We always want to put the oxygen mask on the other person first to take care of them, even though we know we could die in the process.
Sidenote. I just thought about a tough season in my life when I was living in Boston. I worked like a dog for absolutely nothing. No shade, but I put my blood, sweat and countless tears into that job and all I can say is thank God my faith is in Jesus and not people. But the point of me sharing about Boston is to explain to you that while living there I was sick ALL THE TIME. I got the flu several times in the winter and then all throughout the year. Have you ever had the flu in the summer? It is something that makes you question your existence. Anyway, I could never figure out why the hell I was always on the verge of death. Don't you know when I finally left Boston I never got sick again. I mean aside from a common cold, I've maintained consistent good health. That season in my life is the epitome of loving everyone else before yourself. It didn't matter how sleep deprived I was I still worked 12 hour days. It didn't matter that I could not pay my car note, I still worked nonstop. It didn't matter that I was sometimes trying to figure out if I could afford groceries, I still gave my last. It didn't matter how bad I felt, I always showed up for those kids. And don't get it twisted I wouldn't change being there for the world because that youth group was my world, but how much more could I have been to them had I been stronger? We have to be better to ourselves.
So, I still speed in my car (LOL) but I definitely am more aware of how I treat myself. I am more aware that the world does enough to destroy me and I do not need to cosign. So here's to more ways of learning how to love myself, how to value myself, how to appreciate myself, and how to take better care of myself.
#dearMe I love you