Why do we always want from people what they are not willing to give or that they don't have to give? A question that plagued me after I had a horrific drive home during the winter. I was driving home from work and I drove over an ice bank. If it's hard for you to think of an ice bank, think of a speed bump that's extra high to the point that it would lift your car if you drove over it.
So on my trip home I was probably driving about 50mph when I found myself flying in mid air after hitting the ice bank. And when I say flew, I mean I flew. Everything in my car took flight including myself in my driver's seat. After landing, my car completely shut off and it began impossible to brake. As I rolled over to the side of the highway I was finally able to press my brake and stop myself. I sat there for a minute first thanking God that nothing other than the ice bank hit me that night and then I got concerned that Bonnie (my car) was injured. I've had this car since 2008 and I treasure her. It was the first car that I bought and it is completely paid off! So nothing can happen to Bonnie, please! After I processed everything I decided to try and start my car and sweet baby Jesus, IT DID. I gently pulled away from the side of the highway and drove myself home going a whole 20mph the entire way.
Now when I thought about writing this blog post, I thought about how even in the midst of trouble, God is still God. I thought about how it appeared chaos was happening to me and around me but underneath it all, God was protecting me. I also thought about how we try to speed through life and sometimes God sends us speed bumps to slow us down. Then I thought about how we ask God for red flags in a relationship and he sends them. The red flag causes a breakdown but we still get back with that person and ignore what happened. (SHAKING MY DAMN HEAD! LOL) But yeah that's not this story however, if you needed that encouragement or words, take it. Anyway, I get home after my "accident" and proceed to tell my mom and dad. My mom, in true mom fashion, was thanking God I was okay and asking me over and over again if I was feeling alright. My dad on the other hand said, "You alright?", and when I said yes, he proceeded to continue doing whatever he was doing. LOL I immediately got upset, like damn dad I almost died (exaggerating but not too far from the truth) and all you ask is if I am alright and then suggest, "You might want someone to look at your car."
via GIPHY
I ran upstairs and started crying immediately. While I was crying I was trying to figure out why I was so upset that my dad wasn't more interested, or should I say didn't show more interest. Truthfully deep down inside I knew he was concerned, but I guess I just wanted to see him more worried. It made me think about all the times we expect so much from people when that is not what they are willing to give or in this specific case, not what they have to give. Let me explain, first I always have to tell you guys that my parents are amazing, my dad is amazing, but if we are being honest men are not overly observant and/or emotional. Men are stern, straight forward, straight to the point, rough and operate on logic. I am sure for my dad in that moment he was thinking, my daughter is standing in front of me with all her limbs and in her right mind telling a story about something that didn't kill her. It's not that he doesn't love me or he doesn't care, it's that he's just a man who thinks rationally. So I checked myself and I sat down to write this blog post. I reminded myself that what was most important to my dad was that I walked in the house without injury. What was most important to him was that I made it home. What is always most important to him is that I am ultimately okay. We shouldn't get in the habit of wanting from people things they cannot give. We should accept who they are and love them. So dad I love you, I know you were concerned in your own dad kind of way.
#dearfeelings Check yourself before you wreck yourself like your car.