We are not meant to go through this life alone.
I am super guilty of this issue so much so that I almost did not write this blog post. I am totally guilty of keeping all my issues to myself and working on them alone. However, this story is not about me, this story is about someone else I know. Imagine having a friend that you've known your entire life. Imagine growing up together, traveling together, going to school together, going to parties together, going to concerts & prom together. Imagine a friend you had sleepovers with constantly and that you spoke to everyday on the phone. Imagine a friend where life took you both to different places but you made sure to always visit each other to stay connected. Now imagine that same friend dropping a bomb on you about their life that you never knew about until yesterday. Imagine they share with you how after 10 years, life has been difficult and they've been unhappy. Now imagine my face.
Sad doesn't even explain how I really feel about my friend being in pain. I am actually devastated that they have dealt with these circumstances this long, alone. I am confused and I am angry that I never knew! How in the hell do you go this long without sharing your struggles with your friend? How can we speak everyday and you never told me you were hurting? How could life pass us by and not once did you mention you felt defeated? How can we be friends and you didn't confide in me for 10 years? How could I not see it?
I had to recall all of our conversations over the years and see what I missed. It dawned on me that we had talked over the last 10 years about life in general. How's work? Fine. How's the kids? Fine. How's school? Fine. How's the gym? Fine. How's the dog? Fine. But what about you? How are you? Fine. No really, how are you actually doing? Fine. I never questioned the fine. I never investigated the fine. I should've dissected the fine. I should've found out if my friend was really at peace, really happy & thriving or just surviving. I know now that fine is not adequate. Fine is not acceptable. Fine means fine and that should never be enough. Life is more than fine. We have to push for it to be more than fine. And of course life will never be perfect but to be in a place of such unhappiness for so long, is a cause for concern. Make sure you don't let fine be your normal. Make sure you challenge yourself to push beyond just fine, so you don't find yourself 10 years later trying to figure out how you got here and confessing to your friends, life sucks.
#dearFriends fine, is not fine.