After I graduated college I went to YWAM (Youth with a MIssion). YWAM is a missionary school for Christians. You spend 3 months training: learning about the Bible, learning about cultures, learning about yourself and then you spend 3 months applying everything you've learned in another country. The country I went to after training was Thailand. When people ask me about Thailand I always tell them it was the greatest experience of my life. But it was also a challenging experience where I was stripped down of everything and put in such a vulnerable place that the only thing I could do was cry out to God for help.
My trip to Thailand was broken down into three sections, or three "missions" but I will focus on our second location, the island of Ko Kho Khao. There we helped a couple fix their community center after it had been wiped out by the tsunami. We paved driveways and built a well.
We arrived on the island by boat and if you know me this was dreadful because of my motion sickness. I mean I get motion sickness sitting in a chair scrolling too fast through instagram. Yes, it is that bad but whatever. The island was off of the main land and because of the tsunami there were no stores, no emergency services, NOTHING! This caused limitation to our food options. And by limitation I mean we ate 3 things for 14 days. Our breakfast, lunch and dinner consisted of rice, eggs and chicken. Yup. Breakfast, rice and eggs. Lunch, rice and eggs. Dinner, rice and chicken. Finally about halfway through the team went fishing. They came back with plenty of fish and Preacher's wife cooked up this curry stew. Bruh I was in heaven!!!
I went for 2nds and 3rds because who knew when this would happen again. The next day I woke up in a cold sweat (it's over 100 degrees in Thailand btw) and I could not move. The room was literally spinning and the walk to the bathroom felt like a mile hike even though it was in my bedroom. Oh yeah, you know what's going on here, I'm dying. For days all I did was throw up and poop, over and over again. One time I was aching so bad, I could not even make it to the bathroom. It was the most embarrassing experience ever.
After about 5 days of almost going into shock because of dehydration, my team leader made me go to the hospital. I was so hesitant to go because in order to get to the hospital I had to get on a boat again. Like Lord, why? I am already dying, having cold sweats, hot sweats and pooping on myself, now I have to suffer from motion sickness. But I had no choice, so we begin our journey.
I arrive at the outdoor hospital and I am scared for my life. I remember lying on the gurney in an open room with other people wailing and crying in pain and thinking wow, this is an interesting way to go. The doctor comes over to me and gathers some information. She then proceeds to say, you're American huh? Guilty. She leaves me and comes back with these pills and tells me to go on my merry way. When I tell you the next day I woke up as if nothing happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sweet baby Jesus, I could not believe it. You mean to tell me I've been dying for days and could've avoided this pain had I just gotten here sooner? I spent 5 days in agony because of fear, that was the hardest pill to swallow.
How many situations are you staying in because of fear? How many things are you holding onto because of fear of what's next? Why stay in a season of chaos longer than you have to? Why stay in a destroying situation, if you don't need to? What's crazy is the things we are holding onto are terrible but we still don't want to let go. We find comfort in the familiar even if the familiar causes us pain.
I remember Carl Lentz saying some time ago how so many people stay in seasons of their life longer than they're supposed to because they don't want to change. It brought me back to Thailand and how I wouldn't even let the pain and frustration make me change. I learned in that moment that if I don't move when God says move, I will continue to suffer. Don't continue to stay in that situation. Don't let fear keep you from your healing.
#dearThailand thank you