Let me first put this disclaimer, I HAD AN AMAZING CHILDHOOD, but we all know nothing is perfect. There are some things that have happened to us or indirectly happened to us that have unplanned ways of rising to the surface of our adult lives. I recently discovered this rising because of an event that brought light to a dark truth from my past.
As I am growing in this makeup industry and taking part in collaborations with other photographers, artists, and brands, I am recognizing that I take a backseat to creativity. I find myself in situations where an idea is needed or an opinion is requested and I scale back. It's almost like I crawl back to being a child who should be seen and not heard.
I came head on to this conclusion as I was working on a project and literally could not speak up about something for fear of my opinion being dismissed. What I saw could have completely changed the dynamic of the project for the absolute better but I felt like my point of view didn't matter. I was driving home from this job and confronted myself about my silence. (As you know, I do a lot of soul searching in the car! LOL)
I was brought back to my childhood. I was brought back to being raised in a home where I was the youngest and only girl. Being the only girl is almost like losing your voice physically but you're still talking. You get told how annoying you are, that you need to be quiet & most times ignored until you finally scream for HELP! Then you have everyone's attention because what other valuable thing could a girl have to say besides requesting for a man to save her? I know that sounds harsh and I don't think it was intentional but it' happened. And we all know as the youngest most times we are yelling to be heard until we finally become silent. Our ideas are rejected because,"What do we know?" or "You're too little to know." or "You're the baby." It's almost like being defeated before you could even form a thought, let alone a word.
I was brought back to being around my family and being made fun of for things I said or thoughts I had. It was hard being the butt of a joke for something you thought was impressive ALL THE DAMN time. So eventually instead of speaking I became mute to avoid embarrassment.
That silenced little girl, has now turned into an insecure grown woman who fears the disapproval of her voice. This is why it's so challenging to give my suggestion, this is why I have anxiety about being outspoken. I know I have grand ideas, but those grand ideas will mean nothing and do nothing if I don't open my mouth and share them. I need to shake that little girl to let her know SHE WILL BE LISTENED TO. Speak those things for change, for growth, for outcome. Don't continue to be quiet and shrunken.
Our childhood helps shape us into who we are going to be but our response to those childhood experiences when they come up, can change our lives. So to that little girl inside of me, it's okay to express yourself, it's okay to be heard. People want to hear what you have to say and if they don't, it's because their childhood taught them to be intimidated by your voice!
#dearVoice wake up that little girl.