I believe that there are hurts in our lives that will forever cause pain. Not the same pain it caused when it happened but a little pinch to remind us that it did happen. I think there are things that have been done to us that when brought to our remembrance will sting a little bit.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about some things that happened to both of us. We both experienced pain from certain individuals but neither of us was aware the other had the same experience. As we were sharing with each other not to gossip but rather to discuss how we've overcome and tried to heal, I found myself getting emotional on the phone in tears. I said to my friend, I swear I have moved on, don't mind the tears. She said to me, it's okay, sometimes when a wound is picked it bleeds. Wow!
When a wound is picked, it bleeds.
It made me think that forgiveness is not a one size fits all. I've heard people say that you know you've forgiven someone when you don't get emotional about the situation anymore. I've also heard you know you've forgiven someone when you don't wish bad things on them. I don't know that forgiveness should be correlated with your feelings toward the situation. Take a difficult relationship with a parent. Maybe your dad wasn't there or maybe your mom abandoned you. You've worked on forgiving them and you have but when people bring up their relationships with their parents it causes you to be somewhat emotional. Or maybe your sibling talks about the day mom or dad left and it brings up some pain. Does that mean you haven't forgiven them? Or does that mean what they did hurt? You have forgiven them, & if they decided to come back in your life today you would welcome that with some caution. But that still doesn't take away the sting of what they did.
So, can you forgive but still have an emotional response if the situation is brought up? Is that emotional response warranted or should I say accepted? Or are you looked at negatively for holding on? Are you accused of being unforgiving? It's something I really want the answer to. And if the answer is yes, you are an unforgiving person, then how do you forgive? How do you get to a place where the circumstance comes up in your life but you don't have an emotional reaction? Can you move on from something but when reminded of it, it cause some hurt? Or is it that if there is still a wound that can be picked, you still need to forgive?
I don't know if I've shared this story before but when I was younger I ran through a glass door. I know, absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, it caused me to have to get a crazy amount of stitches and some of the wounds from the stitches left a permanent mark. You can't pick the wound like a scab but it's still there. Every time I look at those scars I am reminded of that day. I am reminded of the pain of the stitches and the fear of being in the hospital. Now I don't have anyone to forgive in this story, maybe my mom for beating my butt on the way to the hospital, the nerve! But all I am saying is the wound is still there and brings back the memories, sometimes even the pain. I just believe you can think back on some things and still be hurt that it ever happened. You don't want to revisit the situation, you don't want to address the situation, but it still causes some discomfort that it occurred.
I have an even better story, junior year in high school I was on a walk in my neighborhood and my friend's Rottweiler bit my hand. And when I say he bit me, I mean his teeth came out on the other side. Long story short I had to get more stitches. The stitches left a mark in my hand of course, so every time I look down at it I am reminded of that tragic day. I can seriously feel the pain of the dog being locked onto my hand. In the first couple years after the incident I swore off all dogs. They are reckless and I have the scars to prove it. But eventually after some time I gave that up. I realized that was one isolated incident and what I needed to learn from it was to just be more careful. Fast forward to now, my next door neighbor has a Rottweiler. (Lord, I can't win, LOL) I am occasionally in their house and I am constantly reminded of when I was bit. However, it has not kept me from visiting them. I just ask them to lock that big boy up! LOL So, I've forgiven the dog that bit me but that pain will always be relevant when presented with another dog. Does that make sense? I can't change what happened, what I can change is how I move forward without the situation impairing me. I believe that is forgiveness. I believe that is the truth of forgiveness. I believe when people say they've been hurt in the past and they leave it there, they are lying, LOL No just kidding. I believe when they say that, they mean they are not dwelling on the issue. They don't spend their days and nights in agony about what happened. But on those occasions that it does come up, it can bring up a feeling or two and that my friends is okay.
#dearForgiveness All is forgiven but not forgotten